Growing....

The first week or so of this "experience" was hard.
I felt lost.
I felt alone.
I felt displaced.
I didn't fit in "here".
I didn't fit in "there".
I just didn't fit in anyway anymore
and now I am just sounding like Dr. Seuss.
But seriously I felt lost.
I was new to the hospital,
cancer child,
parent thing.
I didn't know what to say.
I just tried to blend in and
not to talk to anyone.
But then, even though I hated it "here"
at the hospital,
I didn't feel like I could go home.
I most certainly didn't fit in "there" anymore.
I was different now.
My life was changed.
How could I ever explain?
Like I said,
It was hard.
Then one day, someone talked to me.
They explained their story.
They embraced me.
They made me feel welcome.
They understood.
And I wanted to be apart.
So I ventured out of my self induced shell.
I started talking to parents.
I felt renewed,
I felt support,
I felt like I belonged.
I began to understand that I didn't need to fit in
"here"
or "there"
but instead that I fit in both places.
I was growing, expanding,
and opening myself to a whole new world.
It was now apart of my previous world.
They could exist together.
I am grateful to have opportunity to expand my world.
To meet so many wonderful new people.
It doesn't mean I have to leave my old acquaintances behind,
but I have opened the door for new ones to enter also.
So on Tuesday,
I called up James.
He drove up to Primary's and switched me off.
I went home.
I surprised my boys.
I put them to bed,
read them scriptures,
sang them songs, and
kissed their sweet heads.
It was good to go home.
Thanks for being understanding while I hid.
I am back.
Stronger and ready to fight.
I love you all!