From Grandpa

My dad, my hero, sent me this email this morning.  He will probably kill me for posting this, but it meant so much to me. After a horribly rough night, this is exactly what I needed; to be reminded that my daughter is strong and that I am exactly what she needs even when it seems like I can't do much to help. As I reread my father's kind words, I cry every time.  He knows me too well.  Thank you, papa.  You have always been someone that I could talk to, cry to, and vent to.  You then can always calm my spirit, whisper words of reassurance and encouragement and suddenly the world seems better.   Truly Evalette and I are blessed to have you in our lives.  We love you!  Better hurry up and drink your lemonade because we will need you to fight with us! Your part isn't done yet!

My Small Part:

Dear sweet daughter;

I am going to try to put into words the thoughts and feelings that have bombarded me since early this morning. I want you to know how much I love you. Forgive me as I try to convey these thoughts, if at times it may sound as if I am placing them within a fictionalized story.

Evalette is a true hero and has been placed within a battle no one would choose for her to fight. She will fight and she will win. I do not know what winning means but I do know she will do her part as a true hero always does. The real question is, now that we have our hero will the rest of us do our part in this great battle. I say yes, show us our part and we will fight the fight. What is my part? I know that God will not allow me to take the hero's place in this battle. I cannot no matter how much I want to, displace Evalette. If it was mine to choose I would take over this battle as my own and refuse everyone else to fight with me or to take part. It sounds kinda selfish, maybe it is good that God does not allow me to choose.

Danielle you are a hero in this battle also. You know that I dislike when the stories have a weak heros that struggle with accepting their part and responsibility in the great battles against evil. I know you to be a mighty hero and as a mighty hero you would want nothing less than to take on this battle and leave your daughter on the sidelines to watch and sip lemonade as her mom conquers the trials of life. It is a good story but only a dream. In reality Evalette will not watch as mom conquers all but will fight with her sweet mother at her side. She will need mom's encouragement and will depend on her strength during the hard times. Your part is to maintain and be prepared to give your strength to Evalette when she requires it. In my humble opinion there is no other person more capable than you to fulfill this part. What a mighty hero you are.

There are certain things that will diminish your vitality and strength in this battle. The foremost danger is guilt. Guilt has no place in this battle. There is no easy answer to why this battle rages and why Evalette has Leukemia. It is not your fault and it is not your fault that you cannot take her place and it is not your fault that you cannot take her pain from her. There is no weaker position to take than that presented by guilt. Never feel guilt as Evalette espresses her pain in the only ways she knows how. When she screams and crys just offer her your strength in comfort and say, "it is okay sweet daughter, you cry, you scream,  but do not give up, mom is at your side and grandpa says it is okay".

The other danger is despair. As Marilla stated in "Anne of Green Gables" to despair is to turn your back on God. Once we allow the grip of despair to take hold we start to fear and lose hope. The loss of hope increases the feelings of fatique and diminishes your desire to maintain your physical health. This is amazing that you are getting this advice from me. I love to despair. Woest me for tomorrow I will die. "Fear knocked at the door and Faith answered and no one was there." This defines the opposite to despair, answer the door or battle with hope and faith and nothing will keep you from your part. Danielle you are wonderful and you are just the person Evalette needs in this fight.

What is my part? I am still trying to define that. You would think in being a part of Brookelle's battle that I would know exactly my part. What I have found is that I have not reconciled with God on the trials presented to either of my granddaughters. I am weak and how I wish I could take their place. What I am beginning to understand is that I do not give either of my dear granddaughters enough credit where credit is due. In the premortal realm they were far greater than I and have prepared themselves for this fight. They accepted to go through this refiner's fire at any cost to further define their likeness to God. My small part perhaps is to stand on the sidelines sipping lemonade while cheering for the team of heros who are better suited for the battle such as you.

Go Evalatte! Go Danielle! Go fight win! Now that I have done my part where is the lemonade.

With all my heart felt love,

papa

p.s. remind Evalette often of her grandfather's love for her