"From the Shadows Into the Glorious Sunshine"

I love this title.  I love sunshine.  I love light.  It is the title of the Relief Society lesson for today.
A sweet sister in my ward taught the lesson in our ward today.  She asked me to write down my thoughts on how my faith was being strengthened through our current trial.  I feel blessed to have this opportunity.  It was just what I needed.  Thank you Kelli.  When I begin to waiver and get discouraged...remind me to reread this.

My thoughts:

Dear Sisters-

I feel blessed to have the opportunity to write down a few of my feelings in regards to how my faith is being strengthened during this difficult time for our family.  Truly God is good, he is merciful, he is our ever loving Father.  I know that more now than ever.  

At the very end of March, our beautiful 11 month old daughter, Evalette, was diagnosed with cancer.  We were shocked...how could this be?  She was so pure, so innocent, so young. For the first couple of days I wondered, "Why her, why not me?  Why my sweet baby?"  I felt so torn between being with her and being at home with our other three young boys.  It seemed so unfair.  How could I do it all?  I remember praying that first night in the Intensive Care Unit at Primary's Children Hospital.    Around me the monitors hummed softly, there were murmurs of conversation outside our door, my sweet baby was finally sleeping and was hooked up to a bunch of machines that she needed to keep her alive, and I was trying to process it all.  I began to cry, sob actually.  My heart just couldn't bear it all. It was then that I knew I needed to pray.  So I did.  I prayed and I prayed.  I prayed until I had no more tears.  I prayed until I no longer felt despair.  I prayed until I couldn't deny that things were exactly as they should be.  I was filled with peace and I knew that God was in charge and taking care of us.  I couldn't deny what I felt.  We knew before we came here to earth that we were coming here to grow, to have trials, to become more like God.  I believe that we rejoiced and that we wanted to come to further our growth and likeliness to our Father.  My daughter knew what she was coming here to do and she agreed to do it.  And I agreed to be her strength and to help her when she couldn't do it alone.  There is no use fighting, screaming, or trying to run away.  Instead it would be much better to have faith, get ready to fight, and move forward, understanding that God has our best interests in mind.  He truly does.  So why not leave it all in his hands...he can do it so much better than I.  

And even though it is hard to see my baby in pain, to see her little body going through so much, and to see her struggling to understand what is going on...I know that she is also being strengthened and that she is never alone.  Through so many people's prayers, through angels surrounding her, through her mother's strength and care, and through her Heavenly Father's love she is being watched over and lifted up.  I am reminded of this daily.  From faith, miracles big and small happen.  Our Heavenly Father is ever mindful.        

My dad sent me an email the other day and reminded me to have faith.  He said, "Another danger is despair.  As Marilla stated in Anne of Green Gables "to despair is to turn your back on God".  Once we allow the grip of despair to take hold, we start to fear and lose hope.  Remember this, "Fear knocked on at the door and Faith answer and no one was there."  This defines the opposite of despair, answer the door with hope and faith and you will be able to fight the darkness".  Darkness and despair are not of God.  I know that no matter how dark our trials seem, if we truly desire and have faith that doors will be opened, and light will shine in.  Then we can move forward through the darkness and back into the light. 

I know that God loves me.  He loves my daughter.  He loves my family. He loves all of us. He gives us trials so that we may become more like him.  So that we can have a greater understanding of faith, compassion, love, and all that is good.  

So as we fight this battle, as my little family goes through this "trial" or experience is what I actually would rather call it, I choose to see the light instead of the darkness. I choose to have faith instead of despair.  And I choose to praise God even when it doesn't seem fair.  For he knows so much more than I.  And then just as President Lorenzo Snow states, "Every man and woman who serves the Lord, no matter how faithful they may be, have their dark hours; but if they have lived faithfully, light will burst upon them and relief will be furnished."  And it will and for us it has. Truly we are blessed.  

Danielle