What Cancer Has Taught Me...

BEFORE- MAPLETON BARN OCT 2012

 A year and a half ago, our lives drastically changed.
We entered a new normal of sorts.
Hospitals stays, tons of crazy meds,
doctors visits, the home health nurse was daily visitor,
and most of my daughter's and my life was spend at the hospital.
I wasn't sure how I could handle it all…such a drastic change.
Now, life is beginning to become as it was "before cancer".
And yet, we are not the same.
We are forever changed.

Cancer taught us things that we could have not learned otherwise.
I know my Heavenly Father at a greater level then ever before,
I understand pain, anguish, and love more then I ever imagined possible.
I now know more medical jargon than I ever wanted,
and I now know that my family is the most important thing in the world.
Cancer changed our life in so many ways,
there were tears, but there was also growth.
And now after all that has passed, I can truly say that I wouldn't change a thing.
Now don't misunderstand me,
I don't mean that I enjoyed seeing my daughter suffer, or liked watching her endure great pain,
and that leaving my family was easy,
but the things that were learned from the great experience were great things indeed.
I learned to live in the present.
Every moment is great.
Every moment needs to be lived.
Every second of every day….every little moment.
We need to let go of yesterday, forget our wishes and wants of tomorrow
and live for today.
We can make plans for the future and enjoy memories of the past,
but most of the time this very second needs present living.
Life is much happier that way.
Our focus needs to be in the now.
Life is a wonderful thing…if we can live in the moment.
I have come to see the beauty of every moment.
Secondly, I have a greater knowledge that I am not in control.
My entire life, I have strived to control.
I like to plan, then execute it, and make it happen.
We are a structured family….it runs smoother that way.
Well, cancer was not part of my plan.
But I soon learned through much anguish and fighting on my part,
that my God loves me.
He is in control.
I never have been.
Silly me.
And who better to be in control then he.
He wants to help me.
He wants to guide me.
He wants to see me grow and learn.
He wants me to let go.
He loves me and has never left my side.
I just thought I needed to be in control.
When in reality, I was wasting my energy.
There is a plan and nothing is coincidence.
He is our guide and if we let him,
He can safely get us though all the raging storms
and the aching questions of this mortal life.
This being said, you may ask, but your daughter lived,
maybe you wouldn't be saying this if she had been "called home".
Maybe you are right, but I hope that from learning to trust God during this journey,
I would have trusted him enough to remember that all things happen according to his will.
Once again, nothing is coincidence and everything happens for a reason.
There is no use fighting against it….God has a plan!
So I am grateful my daughter is in remission.
Grateful, he answered our prayers and allowed her to live and thrive.
But our future, unknown to us, is in his hands and there I am letting it stay.
I also learned that I can do HARD THINGS!
If I would have known that my family had to endure this trial of cancer,
years before it came to us, I would have said "no way…I don't want it…
I can't handle that".
But with God, anything is possible.
I learned that even though our little family felt beaten down, torn, tired, discouraged,
and alone that we could do it.
With the help of a loving Heavenly Father, wonderful family, and amazing friends,
we have made it through.
We can all do hard things.
 I now know that miracles occur around us everyday.
Miracles are still happening.  
God does hear and answer our prayers.
He is perfect and answers them in a perfect way.
Sometimes our limited understanding due to being a natural man gets in the way
of seeing how perfect the answers are.
But everything that happens to us is all part of a greater plan then we can currently see.
I now try to see things with a greater eternal perspective.
And finally, LOVE is the ultimate healer.
Love makes everything possible.
Our Heavenly Father is love and our perfect example.
He showers his love upon us everyday.
We just need to try to see it.
LOVE, 
kindness,
selflessness,
charity,
peace,
and all things pertaining to love are so important.
And I try to show more love now because we all need more of it.
This world needs more of it.
We never know how much we can touch someone's life because of some caring, kind words
or a simple act of charity.
You have all taught me that.
Thank you.

Now that the biggest part of our cancer journey is over, I am finding another norm.
This time, with a better understanding, but certainly not perfect, then before.
This time with new goals and a greater perspective in mind.
This time, God has given us the gift of cancer to bring us to our current place.
We are better and we are changed.
And we are grateful.

NOW-  MAPLETON BARN OCT 2014