the kind that brings your body to a cold sweat,
that has you breathing hard, and
that leaves a feeling of fear deep inside of you.
A BAD DREAM.
But sometimes you wake up and although you feel the fear,
you simply can't remember the dream…although you know isn't wasn't good.
This last year was that kind of a BAD DREAM.
On the morning of March 27th, 2013,
exactly one year ago,
I woke up thinking life would be the same.
But it was the day the BAD DREAM started.
Never in my life did I think that one of my children
would have to endure such a hard thing as cancer.
It rocked our world.
And sent my body into a whirlwind of emotion-
fear, confusion, and anxiety.
And physically I was sick-
shaking, cold sweat, and oh how I was going to throw up.
I was so sick inside.
I remember thinking that night,
that first night in the Intensive Care Unit,
IF ONLY IT WAS JUST A BAD DREAM…
please let me wake up…
please let her wake up…
please, please, please.
I plead it over and over again as I prayed.
It was that first night that the BAD DREAM started,
that I was blessed to feel some peace.
The fear, anxiety, confusion, questions, and physical ailments
still were there, but their presence wasn't as pressing.
I felt stronger, more peaceful,
and sense of greater understanding was finding a place in my wounded heart.
My Heavenly Father didn't leave me in my BAD DREAM alone,
he was right there from the very start sending me his love, his peace, his eternal understanding.
I just had to be open to it.
Slowly throughout the continuing months, the BAD DREAM started to fade.
Things were going to be ok.
Yes, my daughter was experiencing hard, painful things,
yes, I was experiencing hard, painful things, and
yes my entire family was experiencing hard, painful things,
BUT the BAD DREAM didn't over take us.
We were waking up and moving on,
even if we had to take some of the BAD DREAM with us.
We were seriously given "strength" beyond our own.
We were waking up and replacing the deep cold fear with faith,
the confusion with greater understanding,
and the "why me's" we realized weren't worth asking.
AND slowly without us ever realizing it,
the BAD DREAM has suddenly become more a thing of the past.
It is still apart of our lives.
We certainly aren't who we used to be.
But the worst and hardest part of the BAD DREAM is over.
We made it!!!
And now we have awoken to greater things
BECAUSE we experienced the BAD DREAM.
And although I still experience fear and
the BAD DREAM still shows it's ugly face here and there.
Such as today, when I about had an anxiety attack because Evalette was cranky,
a little warm, and not herself; which could mean relapse.
I have to remind myself that we made it through so many hard things already,
we can do anything required of us.
So I push the BAD DREAM back to its allotted closet corner of my mind.
And shut the door.
I don't have to live in the BAD DREAM, even if it is still here.
We choose to live in light, faith, and hope of a bright future.
Simply because life is better that way
and then we can live fully.
So here is to the mark of one full year since the BAD DREAM began….
heres to counting down many more.
And heres to the continuation of the BAD DREAM
fading more and more from our memory and
only leaving us with more faith, hope, and belief that
NO MATTER WHAT we can do hard things
and that BAD DREAMS can become GOOD DREAMS!
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: BUT BE OF GOOD CHEER; I have overcome the world." John 16:33
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let your heart not be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
John 14:27
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