MOTHERHOOD

If there is one thing that this "experience" has taught me it is that I LOVE being a mother.  Truly it has been the most fulfilling, amazing experience of my life.  Spending so much time caring for, watching over, and being with Evalette during this hard time of her life, has helped me to see how much our Heavenly Father loves us and how he must feel to watch us go through pain and hard times.  But like a caring, loving mother, he is always there and doesn't leave us alone.  Being away from my boys so much lately has reminded me of how much I love them and how my heart aches for them when we are apart.  I need them.  I am meant to be their mother.  To each of one of my four children, thank you for making me a mother.

To Tyrell- You were my first.  I become mother with you.  We got through postpartum depression together.  You didn't give up on me.  You were everything I had always dreamed of.  I love you.

To Jarom- You taught me that having two little boys was fun.  You had hard times with ear infections, food allergies, asthma, and eczema, but you were so strong.  I grew from taking care of you.  Your blue eyes are mine.  Beautiful, big and blue.  I love you.

To Lance-  You taught me that three boys was even more fun!  You were so easy going from the start.  You were and still are my go with the flow baby.  You taught me to let go and to relax.  Your smile and dimples melt my heart.  I love you.

To Evalette- Oh baby girl, how I long I waited for you.  My first girl.  I knew you were something special before you were even born.  You have taught me that we can all do hard things and that life is so beautiful even when things don't go as planned.  I love you. 

So since I can't shout it to the world, I will shout it out on this blog, I LOVE BEING A MOTHER!  I just love it.   

It stretches me in every direction.

It humbles me.

It brings me closer to God.

I get to live outside myself as I serve and love my children daily.

I get to see God's hand in my family's life as he guides me as their mother.

It has taught me what LOVE truly is.

Yes, it makes me tired,

Yes, sometimes it makes me cry.

But being a mother, also makes me grow in more ways than I ever could if I didn't have the opportunity of raising these four children of God.

I am blessed to be their mother.

And for that I am grateful.

Because of them,

I know light,

I know good,

I know truth, and

I know love.

And I know HIM.  

That is why it is so fulfilling.

That is why it is so amazing.

That is why I love it so much.

Love you forever and always, Tyrell, Jarom, Lance, and Evalette!

For Mothers Day, we spent the day taking pictures with my new baby...my new fantastic camera.

ME and MY BABY!!!

I can't wait to take a photography class...

*And to my amazing, creative, super talented, beautiful little sister, your time will come.  There is a special baby that needs you as his/her mother.  I love you.  Don't lose hope.  It is coming.
My sister and brother in law are trying to start their family.  Please spread the word.
They are amazing!
James and Erica Risenmay
www.itsaboutlove.org
https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/27499206/ourMessage.jsf

MUSIC-

Lately, these two songs have meant so much to me.  I love music. Growing up, my mother always had music playing; Yanni, Kenny G, The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Carpenters, Broadway Musicals, and so much more.  She taught me to love to sing and to love the spirt that good music brings.  These two songs are in my heart lately.  Enjoy.  
"Blessings" Laura Story 
"Sometime We'll Understand" Rob Gardner
Look them up on YouTube.  They are beautiful songs.  

"Blessings"

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Sometime We'll Understand Lyrics

Not now, but in coming years,
It may not be when we demand
We'll read the meaning of our tears,
And there, sometime, we'll understand

Why what we long for most of all
Eludes our open pleading hand
Why ever silence meets our call,
Somewhere, sometime, we'll understand
So trust in God through all thy days
Fear not, for he doth hold thy hand;
Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,
Sometime, sometime we'll understand.

Sometime, we'll fall on bended knee
And feel there, graven on his hand
Sometime with tear less eyes we'll see
What here, we could not understand
So trust in God through all the days;
Fear not, for he doth hold thy hand;
Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,
Sometime, sometime we'll understand

Home On The HILL...

We are back at our home on the hill.  This time the plan is to make this stay short and sweet.  This 2nd round of treatment goes something like this:
Inpatient at hospital 3-5 days
Home 3 days
Inpatient at hospital 3-5 days
Home 3 days
Inpatient at hospital 10-14 days
Fun, fun.  But it is exciting to be beginning the second round.  Bring it on.

We were supposed to only be home for 1 week, but when Evalette's labs were drawn on May 2nd, her ANC (which are the infection fighting cells of the white blood cells), which were supposed to be going up, actually were down...they were a big fat ZERO!  So treatment got postponed until Monday. But then her ANC was only 100 and it needed to be 750 in order to start chemo again.  So back forth and back forth from 100 to 200 and finally this past Monday, ANC was 700.  And on Thursday they hit 2000!!! So exciting.  So we started her second induction of treatment yesterday.  It started with a lumbar puncture, a bone marrow aspiration (to see if she is in remission) and a catheter placement (this is because the methotrexate that she will be getting is horrible on the skin and will cause horrible diaper rash if it is against her delicate bum).  That all went well.  Around 5 pm yesterday, the 24 hour drip of high dose Methotrexate was started.  Nasty, nasty stuff. But she is tolerating it well.   We will know early next week if she is in remission.  Nothing changes if she is, the plan will be the same, but it gets really aggressive if she is not.  But I am sure she will be.   My sweetheart is getting used to the in and outs of the hospital.  She slept through the night with one little adventure of having to change the sheets because her catheter got kinked at 4:30 am.  Even with the nurse coming in every two hours for a urine sample, vitals every four hours, and zofran every six hours, Evalette slept through it all.  Little champ.  Mommy needed a good night.   We get to go home as soon as her system clears the drug...hopefully Monday.  Then we will back for the same thing next Friday.  

Today we took a walk around the hospital.  Her ANC count is still 2000 so we are free to leave our room.  We even went outside.  Evalette loved it. She napped great today and is pretty happy. Dave was her nurse today and she adores him.  She talked a lot, crawled everywhere, and practiced walking.  Lat time in the hospital she didn't do much, this time she is into everything!  She is doing wonderfully.  I am so grateful.  

Thank you all for your continued prayers.  Evalette is doing well, so great that the doctors keep telling me that they didn't expect her to do so well and that she "looks too healthy".  I will take "too healthy"!  I know that she will continue to do well.  Coming back to the hospital was a bit hard, but I can do hard things.  Evalette can do hard things. My family can do hard things and we are going to do this!! Love you all!

Home Sweet Home

It has been forever since I last posted.  As much as I wanted to get my feelings out and write on the blog, I spent every moment possible with my kiddos and hubby.  Hence being MIA for 3 weeks.  Let me just say our time at home was glorious, wonderful, fabulous, and refreshing.  The sun shined for us and we took advantage.  Even though Evalette couldn't go anywhere, she could go outside (alright, we cheated and went to Alise's almost everyday too, but we desperately needed to get out).  She loved to be outside again.   Bike riding, taking walks, helping Alise and Austin move (just down the street from us), grandma Sparks visiting, jumping on the trampoline, running through sprinklers at Alise's, playing at the park, attending a beautiful wedding, swimming in the reservoir were just a few of the fun things we did.  I have never appreciated being home so much.  Two days after we got home, Lance had a fever of 103.  We did our best to keep Evalette away from him, but with no infection fighting blood cells, her chances were slim that she won't get a fever and go right back to the hospital.  Well, the Lord heard our prayers and everyone else's and she didn't sick.  She didn't get one fever for the entire time we were home.  Seriously that is amazing!  Every night before I go to bed, I envision her with a bubble around her, protecting her from the germs of the outside world.  Truly she has been protected.  We were so blessed to be home for so long.
Besides having to be cooped up a bit, taking multiple medications multiple times a day, having home health come twice a week, having one clinic appointment at Primary's and one central line break (had to run back up to Primary's to get it repaired), Evalette's hair falling out, dinner fiascos (chemo makes Evalette a picky eater), and Evalette becoming a daddy's girl,  life was fairly normal.  The first couple of days, Evalette didn't feel so good.  She didn't want the boys to touch her and she just wanted to be held.  That was hard for her brothers.  Oh how they had missed her and wanted to be by her side all the time.  Soon she warmed up again and was playing and laughing with them.  We worked on getting her to walk and she is so close!!!  Oh how we enjoyed being together.
The boys were excited to have us home for so long.  They kept telling me that they missed us so much and would miss us when we left again. Every night, I tucked them in.  Every night, I kissed their little heads.  And every night, I sang to them.  It filled my heart with so much joy.  I missed them so much.  My little boys are growing fast.
Tyrell:
-is reading at a second grade level.
-playing panio, both hands together and multiple hand positions.  I love to hear him play.
-loves to ride his bike. He is getting a little too crazy for me, but he likes to be daring.
-has his kindergarten program next week and has speaking part which he is super excited about.
-Loves to be the center of attention and is always making funny faces.

-loves to talk and tell stories.
Jarom:
-just learned to ride his bike without training wheels.
-Loves to have poke man hair....

-loves to be outside; digging in the dirt, jumping on the trampoline, riding his scooter or bike, or just playing by the rocks.  He loves it out there.
-Knows how to read beginner books.  He knows all of his sounds and is starting to enjoy writing.
-Had his preschool graduation this week and mommy was so proud.

-He is mommy's shadow and loves to be my big helper.
Lance:
-talking in sentences.  While I was gone last month, his speaking improved so much!
-counts to 3.
-learning to ride a bike.
-wants to big like his brothers.
-likes to get into trouble...notice Mr. Hulk below.  Now that is quite the story.

-thinks he is batman.  He will sing the batman song for you, if you ask him.  It is adorable.
Ask him if he is batman.  He will say, "Yes, I BATMAN!"
-is so stinkin cute.  At the wedding, all the women kept kissing his cheeks and oohing and awing over him.  I couldn't blame them.  I do the same thing!

Oh how I love my boys.  They make me smile, laugh, cry, sometimes want to pull out my hair, and remind me that life is amazing and to enjoy every moment.  Thank heavens for my special boys.

Here are some pictures of our 3 weeks at home.  My camera was having issues so I don't have many pictures, but James got my a new one for mother's day!!!  Enjoy!